Thursday, August 28, 2008

It Could Have Been Worse...

So what if Senator Obama has now draped himself in the images that so far have been off-limits to America's publicly-elected officials? A little over-staged deification never hurt anyone... Did it?

To many of us, that kind of self-importance and arrogance is a litmus test for keeping someone out of any office, not putting them in the Oval Office.

However, it is important to consider that in meetings between the DNC and the Obama campaign there were a number of less-publicized concepts for the acceptance speech that were passed over.

Rejected Idea#1 - Obama Comes Down From the MountainMosesObama

250,000 of the faithful are bussed to Aspen where they mill about at the foot of Aspen Mountain and are instructed to resist the urge to construct golden idols. President-to-be-Elected Obama rides the lift to present the 11th through 15th commandments.

VIPs attend after-party hosted by Robert Redford, while non-VIPs are immediately cleansed from Aspen's pure environment by way of being bussed directly back to Denver.

Rejected Idea #2 - Obama Heals the Wounds of All Past Wars of American Aggression

obama_truman In a seventeen-hour epic stage production--scored by Andrew Lloyd Weber--Obama uses his experienced wisdom to convince all past presidents from staying out of all foreign conflicts. The climactic moment comes when he turns President Truman's sentiments to such a degree that Truman agrees that the shortest path to avoiding conflict was to drop the A-bomb on our own 7th Fleet to show ourselves that going to war would have too high a cost.

Rejected Idea #3 - Obama Inaugurates Himself as President (of the Democratic Convention)

ObamaNapoleon Drawing upon the tradition of strong leadership modeled by Napoleon, Obama is acclaimed to be the president of everyone who really matters anyway and administers his own oath of office. After post-inaugural parties, convention-goers are awed and stunned to learn that the ceremony did not eliminate the need for Obama to actually be elected to be the real President. Nancy Pelosi moves to amend Constitution.

In the case that any of these scenarios strike joyous chords in your soul, don't fret too much. I don't imagine that, win or lose, Obama is going to allow you to miss him for very long.

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